Five Months Old!

Cameron was five months old on Saturday and I was reminiscing about how much she has developed! She is definitely a lot more fun nowadays and we are enjoying every second! She smiles all the time and it brings us so much joy! We tickle her and she giggles and her dimple on her cheek shows :) Daddy puts her on his head and walks around saying, "Baby hat!" She is not only rolling over but pushing herself forward. I can't believe how far she has come and I feel like she develops overnight sometimes. Just the other day I stood her up in my lap and she flattened her feet finally and locked her legs. She is loving rice cereal and giggles as we feed her spoonfuls. I can't wait to get home from work each day and smother her with XOXO! We are so lucky to have such a happy and healthy baby. Her story has just begun and we can't wait to see the woman she becomes and make so many memories with her.

Cameron's Second Family

When I was on maternity leave I dreaded searching for a care provider. I didn't even want to think about going back to work and missing baby all day. I worried that something might happen to her when I wasn't around. It is only natural for new mothers to go through this anxiety, but unless you have the means for one parent to stay home it is a fact of life.

I kept seeing ads for Care.com on the TV, so I decided to check it out. I placed on ad and in the first couple of days received 20+ responses. Most of them were teenagers more looking to babysit, so I weeded those out. I narrowed the pool of potentials to 3 or 4 based on location and bios. I kind of procrastinated and didn't contact any of them because I think I was in denial. In the meantime I contacted to licensed in home daycare providers that looked really great by their websites, but they were all full. I got a little discouraged because I got my hopes up after checking out their websites and pricing.

The thing about Care.com is you can't directly contact anyone unless you pay their fee, but some of the providers know how to sneak their email or phone number in the message. The first provider who did that looked like a good match so I gave her a call. I went over to her house the next day and spent 1 1/2 hrs chatting. She seemed really nice, but I just had this gut feeling that she wasn't the one. The only infant experience she had was her 18 month old and she only nursed so she never used a bottle. She had lots of teaching experience with young kids, but I was looking for more infant experience. I left there thinking I would have to settle. It was funny because it felt like my old online dating experiences when there wasn't a connection.

Well as fate would have it a few days later I received a message from Jaime Murphy. I decided I needed to meet her before settling with other provider. She gave me her address and I freaked because she lived on the same street as the other care provider! I thought it was some kind of set-up lol! But they did not know each other! What is the likelihood that they both lived on the same street?? Weird!

I showed up at Jaime's house and I immediately felt the warmth. Jaime's whole smile, demeanor, and attitude really put me at ease. I knew I had found the "connection" and a second home for our baby girl. Her 2 1/2 yr old Hanna was so sweet and adoring of Cameron. On the second visit with Adam we met her 7 yr old Caitlin and her husband Scott. Caitlin is a little person and her smile lit up the room. I knew if Jaime could take care of a special needs child she would definitely have the ability to handle our little preemie.

I brought baby by for two test runs the week before I went back to work. Jaime made the effort of texting me and sending me pictures as well as finding a baby log she could send me each day showing feedings, naps, and diaper changes! I knew I made the right choice and it was fate to find her!

For the past six weeks Jaime has made my life so much easier with the reassurance that Cam is being well taking care of. Hanna and Caty adore Cameron and are so excited each morning when I show up. She is like a little doll for them :) Jaime texts and sends me pictures everyday along with the log! I even text her off hours and hope I am not bugging her too much. I found not only the most amazing care provider, but a second home away from home for our baby girl :)

Rice Cereal Nom Nom Nom!

Cameron was one week shy of 5 months old yesterday, so I figured it was time to introduce some rice cereal. You can start solids anywhere from 4-6 months, but since Cam was 6 weeks early I decided around 5 months would be good. The pediatricians want to ensure baby shows signs that she is ready such as ability to sit up with some assistance and move food from her tongue to her throat comfortably.

My mom has wanted to start rice cereal from day one because she is old school :) She gave it to my older sister Cathy in a bottle to help her with reflux. It is also an old wives tale that it helps baby sleep through the night. The moment I mentioned that I wanted to do baby's first feeding at grandma's house my mom belted out, "Yaaaaaay!"

Little did she realize how little fun the first feeding would be lol! Baby was not very interested in the spoonful of "mush" when we first placed it in her little mouth. She stuck her tongue out and wiggled it around on the spoon. She got this look on her face like we were torturing her!

I must admit my heart was palpitating from fear that she would choke. My mom showed me how they suck it off the spoon to learn. It got a little easier after the third and fourth spoonful until baby went, "Whhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!" She was not happy! My theory is her GI tract was adjusting to solid food. We got a few more spoonfuls and gave her a break. I did notice a few more toots than usual afterwards, but she wasn't fussy which was a relief! We survived the first feeding and here are some pics of grandma feeding her...

Pet Names

So, I was thinking about all of the pet names we have used for Cameron in the short five months she has been in this world. When she was an "itty bitty" we called her "hungry bird". She would peck on our shoulder when she was hungry and it was the cutest thing ever. Then she got a little bigger and she was our little "monkey". She had her monkey bouncy chair and all of her monkey themed clothes. Then I look down at her legs bent like a bull frog with her heels perfectly together, so nowadays she is our little "bullfrog". When I talk to her grandmas she is "precious" because she has such an angelic look with her fair skin and hair. Who knows what pet names we will give her in the future, because I look forward to watching her grow, develop, and blossom :)

hungry bird...

 Bullfrog...

In Search of the Perfect Bottle

When Cameron came home from the hospital she was a little under 5 lbs and still using the small 2.5 oz bottles that came in the breast pump kits. When we transitioned her to a "big girl" bottle we wanted to find one that would give her the least air possible. We started with the Playtex Ventaire bottles. The bottles came highly recommended from my BFF Kellie who used them with both her children. We noticed Cameron was having a lot of gas and some spit-up at night. This may have been due to her immature GI tract, but we still wanted to try other options. We also didn't like how the vent was located on the bottom of the bottle because it trapped water when heating and water would drip out when feeding. We tried the Playtex nurser off and on while using the Ventaire, but we didn't like how we would push the air out of the bag and it would fill back up with air again while feeding. Tomee Tippee was our next choice. It had a cool shape which resembled a breast if you really looked close, but nipples flowed too fast and filled baby up with air. After, I researched a lot online about what bottle was good for gassy baby I went with the Dr. Brown bottle. It had tons of parts which were a pain to clean and I didn't notice any change in baby's gas or fussiness. I finally settled with the Avent bottles when Cam was around 3 months old. My friend Kat recommended this bottle from the get go and I should have listened. It was vented on top with very few parts, great shape, and flow was perfect. Cameron's gas and fussiness lessened, but this could be due to her GI tract finally maturing. We have been using the Avent bottles for two months now and are definitely pleased. It took a lot of trial and error, but we finally found a bottle that worked for us :)

The Poo Chair and Puke Mat

When we switched baby girl to gentle formula it gave her these nasty green, muddy, stinky poops! I had this fear that we would be out in public and she would poop, so a lot of times I would wait to run errands until she had done her business. Well one day we discovered that the relaxing vibration of her bouncy chair got her to poop! It seemed every time we put her in it we would start to hear grunts and then the aroma of green swamp poop would fill the room. Pretty soon Adam and I named her bouncy chair the "Poo Chair". Worked like a charm almost every time. Well eventually she was off gentle formula and in daycare, so no more worries about that!

At almost 4 months old she started to roll over and we were so thrilled...until we realized the pressure on her tummy or her hands in her mouth gagging her would make her puke. I would walk away for two seconds and when I returned her face was buried and a sour puddle of baby vomit. The first time I rolled her over and saw it all over her face I gasped! It was up her nose and in her eyes...and she just smiled at me like she didn't even notice! One day I had to suction it out of her nose, another day scrub it out of her eye lids! I developed this paranoia because every time she did it I not only had to clean her up I had to put the play mat in the washer! You know how it is when you don't have a full load of wash too! I tried laying a blanket over the mat, but that did not good because it would slide around on the slippery play mat and get all tangled up around baby. Well, we still have not found a solution for this latest dilemma, but we have named her play mat the "Puke Mat" now. You can see how she has grown in these pics...

1st Mommy's Day

You only have one first Mother's Day! It has been such a journey the past 4 1/2 months and I love our baby girl more each day. I didn't think I could love someone so much!

Being a mother is such a dream come true...surreal. I worry a lot still, but so much has just come naturally out of instinct. When she smiles at me my heart melts and I know being a mother is what I was meant to be. At 38 yrs of age I thought maybe it wouldn't happen, but it did and I am a stronger woman because of it. I have someone's life in my hands and an endless responsibility. I welcome the challenge motherhood brings and I look forward to watching Cameron blossom into the woman she will become.

I dedicate this blog to all the mothers out there and especially the new mommy's Sarah I., Sarah C., Sara, Sylvia, Bonnie, Adriane, and Stephenie. Happy 1st Mommy's Day ladies!

Paci...Thumb...Hands

Cameron was introduced to the pacifier while she was in the NICU. Soon it would be the main soothing tool for us at home. We would bury her little face into the nook of our shoulder and insert the paci. Sometimes we would give it to her at night to put her to sleep, but after a while she didn't need it at night. Then around three months of age she started putting her hands in her mouth. Sometimes it was one hand and often times two! The last few weeks I wondered if she was teething because she chose her hands over her paci. Sometimes she gnaws on her little fists like a dog lol!. She has attempted to suck her thumb as proven by pictures below provided by my care provider, but I quickly told her to give the paci instead! You can remove a paci but not a thumb. I guess I could remove her thumb but I might get a visit from CPS :) Well nowadays she is constantly gnawing on those little hands and sometimes even gagging herself. I pull her hands out and seconds later they go back in. Hopefully it is just a phase...sigh

Sweet Dreams

Many new mothers struggle with sleep deprivation and getting baby to sleep through the night. For the first six weeks or so Cameron slept a lot, but would wake at 4:00am and not want to go back to sleep. I had her on a strict feeding schedule every three hours. I would wake her during the night on occasion to feed her. It seemed she would wake up at 4:00am and not want to go back to sleep unless I held her. I figured out another plan where I would go to bed at 8:00pm and Adam would do the 10:00pm feeding so I could go to sleep until her 1:00am feeding. Eventually we let her go until 2:00am or later and I would get more sleep. But, still the 4:00am wake time would happen here and there. I wondered if she would ever sleep through the night.

I bought the "pod" swaddle at BRUS to see if that would help. I had been doing the blanket swaddle but she would kick her way out of it. We also invested in some gripe water in case gas was the issue. The first night we used both she slept through the night!!! I got up once to see if she was breathing! Well she has slept through the night since and we stopped using the gripe water after a few weeks. So at three months old and two weeks before mommy went back to work baby slept through the night :) I cannot tell you how good it feels!

We transitioned her to big girl crib at 4 months 1 week because she would wiggle her way into the corner of the porta crib. She still slept through the night but is waking up a little earlier the past couple weeks. I think she is so tired out from playing at daycare, so she falls asleep by 8:00pm now. We give her one more feeding around 9:30pm and it's off to bed. We had to get a bigger swaddle device as she has grown, and they are a miracle for sure.

Well, it is 9:20pm so I better make her bottle and get her in bed. Night...

It Takes Two

So, my husband Adam is out of town for a couple of days and I am already dreading getting baby and I ready tomorrow morning without his help. From the moment Cameron was born he has been the most loving and supportive father and husband. When I was stuck in the hospital bed he was in the NICU learning how to feed Cameron. When I was so sore and could barely walk from C-section incision that wouldn't heal he would hold my arm and even helped me shower. He changes diapers, makes bottles, feeds baby, dresses baby. Most of the time I don't even have to ask when I need help...he just knows :) I couldn't ask for more, and I am so lucky. When I watch him and Cameron together my heart just melts. I see the love in his eyes and I know everything will be okay...

Itty Bitty Baby

Having a premature baby is definitely challenging, but special in it's own right. The first time I held Cameron she was only 4 lbs 6 oz. She looked like this miniature person to me because her skin was so thin and her features were aged in appearance. We are so used to seeing chubby cheeks and baby fat on babies. It made holding her so much more special to us because she was a survivor. The nurses worked with us on how to train her to feed (suck, swallow, breath). It was frustrating at times because she would fall asleep or not finish the bottle. We knew the only way we could get her home was when she was up to 5 lbs and could eat a certain amount a day. We worked hard and she was home with us in two weeks time.

I think the scariest part was when she was discharged. I was a nervous wreck and took it all out on my poor mother. I had so many fears inside my head that she was going to get home and stop breathing or not eat.

The first night home we had her in the room with us and she made these grunting noises all night long! I did tons of research online to discover grunting baby syndrome. Since premature babies GI tracts are immature it takes them hours to work through the poop. We eneded up putting the porta crib in the living room so we could get rest. She continued to grunt day and night for two months until one day it just stopped. It actually got amusing after a while and I took videos :) Here is baby at two week checkup.

It took work the first two month to feed her as well. We had to use special soft nipples and premature formula to supplement what breast milk I could produce. We watched her grow before ours eyes and fill out. Lots of tummy time because premature babies need to develop upper body strength. By her four month check-up she had gone from 2 percentile to 38 percentile and was 12 lbs (almost three times birth weight). That was such a happy day. The night before the appointment I looked at before and after pictures and was in tears...itty bitty has come a long way. Here is baby at three weeks...

And four months...

2 Nurse or Not 2 Nurse

My "original" plan was to nurse for at least six months. Three months on maternity leave and three months at work pumping. In "normal" births the baby is in the room with you and you get to practice nursing every couple hours if needed...and your body is prepared to produce milk. In my case I was bed bound for the first two days, and when I was mobile I only had strength to visit baby two times a day. The nurse wheeled in the big industrial pump and I did pump as much as I could, but I only produced maybe a tablespoon of colostrum. The nurses assured me my milk would come in and the colustrum was very good for baby. I remember using the plastic syringe to suction up every bit after pumping. One of the most special moments was when one of the nurses in the NICU helped me to nurse baby for first time to see if she latched. She latched immediately and the feeling was indescribable. I was lucky to have a baby who latched, but since I knew I didn't have enough milk I resorted to pumping so I could see how much she got every feeding. Since, she was under 5 lbs and premature she needed to grow, so I wasn't willing to risk it. Here is daddy feeding baby. Notice how tiny she is in his hand.

 I went to the nursing course Kaiser offered and learned all I could, but it didn't help me produce anymore milk. I was pumping every 3-4 hours once I returned home, but over the course of six weeks I never produced more than 2 oz. each time. My hands were cracked from washing bottles and pump accessories, and my nipples had blisters. I felt so guilt ridden the weekend I let my milk go, but I knew it was for the best.

After, speaking to a lot of friends who nursed I realized I was allowed a lot more freedom by switching to formula. Some days baby could go 4 hours between feedings. Some nursing babies feed every two hours and momma gets no rest. I think pumping can be better than nursing in some cases because you can measure what baby is getting and get more rest. If a new mother overproduces milk the baby might not get the creamy milk and be hungry every two hours!

Cameron's Story

I woke up during the wee hours of the morning on December 26th with what I thought was heartburn. I had suffered the same symptoms the night before and figure it was all of the holiday eating! The burning continued for hours and I woke Adam in tears. The pain was now radiating to my arm. Adam told me he was taking me to the ER...did I mention I was 34 weeks pregnant? I told him I thought it might be a gallbladder attack, and he got on his laptop and he diagnosed me with what he thought was preeclampsia. I fought him about going to the ER because I would be so embarrassed if it was only heartburn! I finally gave in and we were off to the ER. After waiting what seemed like hours for results the doctor walked in and gave me the bad news...I did have Preeclampsia. The doctor told me the only cure was to deliver the baby. Adam and I were both frozen with fear more worried about health of the baby then anything. The doctor assured us that a six week premature baby has a very high survival rate and we should not worry. Here is a pic of me Christmas night before baby was born...

The goal was to induce labor over the next 48 hours. We started to contact family member to give them the news and soon they were showing up one by one. Almost 12 hours after arriving to ER I still did not have any contractions. I was put on a magnesium drip to bring down my blood pressure and blood draws every two hours. Around 5pm a doctor comes into my room to give me more bad news...I had developed HELLP Syndrome. My liver was failing and an emergency C section was needed. I could see the nursing staff putting on their scrubs in the background and fear set in again. Due to my condition I could not have an epidural for pain, so I had to go under general anesthesia. I remember being wheeled into the OR, bright lights shining down on me, oxygen mask, and the warm feeling as anesthesia entered my body. All I thought to myself was, "Will I wake up?" Due to my platelet counts being so low there was risk of my blood not clotting.

A little over an hour later I woke up with my mother and aunt staring over me. I had no pain medication and my incision was on fire with pain. I only saw a cell phone picture of Cameron and I would be unable to see her until I could walk to NICU on my own. This is the picture. She was 4 lbs 9 oz, although you can't tell by picture because she was swollen.

Over the next two days family members would be escorted to see her, but I couldn't see her and it broke my heart. When I was finally strong enough to get out of bed to go see her and hold her 4 lb 9 oz body in my arms it was the most indescribable feeling...Here we are...

Over the course of the next couple of days I was only strong enough to see her 2-3 times a day and it was all I looked forward to. I was released that Thursday to go home and heal. For the next week Adam and I made two trips a day for her feedings. Preemies have not developed the suck, swallow, breath reflex so it takes a lot of work to "grow" them. We were able to finally bring her home January 6th and I was a nervous wreck! I was so worried she would stop breathing or I wouldn't be able to get her to eat enough. Soon enough I had a routine down and watched her blossom...to be cont.