About
the Author
Dr. Kwame M. Brown is Educating the
World with Active Play through consulting, program development, workshops,
seminars and advocacy He holds a Ph.D. in neural development from Georgetown
and expertise in multiple movement disciplines. Dr. Brown has spent over a
decade working with children and training professionals in the private and
public sector.
Our daughter
will be born sometime in the next seven days. I decided to sit down and
write this letter. I then decided to share it with everyone because I
think it’s important to discuss how we feel about our children, our role, and
their place in the world. This is my take on fatherhood after spending 15
years with other people’s children. I hope you enjoy reading it as much
as I enjoyed writing it.A Letter to Our Daughter on Valentine’s Day
Written by Daddy, but it’s from both of us Feb 14, 2012
Dear Yasmin Skye,Mommy and Daddy are so happy, excited, and grateful for your impending entry into this world. There are some things we want you to know, and we feel like we should write these things down before you get here in a whirl of feedings and diapers and crying and wonderment and kisses and hugs.
Know that we think you are a miracle. We think all children are miracles, but you are just a little bit more special because you come from us. Know that to have made you with our bodies is a sacred thing. This makes you a sacred being. You were made with the magic that is love. We waited a long time for you. We were waiting for you long before we even knew we were waiting for you. If this sounds confusing, don’t worry. You’re a baby. You will understand this sometime between 25 and 45.
Know that while Mommy and Daddy have lots of experience with kids, we realize fully that we do not know you yet. Every child is unique, and we have said often that we look forward to getting to know you. So, if you care nothing of all the books and research we’ve read or the kids we’ve taught – that’s fine. We can adapt. Babies don’t read peer reviewed journals. If you ever do see a baby reading a peer-reviewed journal, back away slowly. That’s weird.
Know that we will dedicate ourselves to giving you what you need to flourish and grow. Know that it is of great importance to us that you get the resources and space to play and work at what you love. Know that we have absolutely no intention of choosing your profession, sport, or friends for you.
Know that you will not always get everything you want. Wants feel like needs when you are young. It is our job to teach you the difference. You may say “I hate you” at some point to Mommy or Daddy. Because we have the benefit of having been children (and rather difficult ones at that), we know that you will apologize sometime between 25 and 35. But know that love and kindness don’t always appear as such to the young mind. The young mind just wants what it wants. Though you are the sweetest little person and very cute, we will have to establish boundaries. If you do not respect those boundaries, there will have to be consequences for you. Having worked with thousands of kids, I have discovered how incredibly mean and selfish it is to not give a child some boundaries.
Know that while you are the most important person to us, we do not consider you to be the most important person in the world. You will be raised to be an integral part of this complex world, not to expect that this world owes you something. You are a part of the earth, and a part of other beings. And they are a part of you. You are Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Phosphorus and Sulfur. Look those up in your baby periodic table. Just kidding, we will NOT have stuff like that in your room (unless you request it)! Always remember how connected you are to everything. And, oh yes, as you grow older we will tell you this out loud and often. You will also see your mother and I live and behave that way.
Know that we do not consider your body and mind to be separate entities. We know them to be integrated and dependent upon each other. You will learn later that it is important to challenge both your mind and body. For the first decade and a half, you will simply know this as “playing”. Sorry to fool you and make you think something so important is so fun, but this is a necessary evil….muhahahahahaha….muhahahahahaha! That’s Daddy’s diabolical laugh. Like it? Good, you’ll hear it a lot while I’m chasing you around the house.
Know that we do not care who you love, as long as this person truly loves you back. You will know what this “love thang” looks like, because Mommy and I will show you every day as we support each other, laugh with each other, cry with each other. You will see us hug and kiss each other. A lot. In front of you. Even when you think it’s gross. And we will hug and kiss you too, in front of your friends. And we are not sorry. Love may not make the world go ‘round (that’s physics – you will learn that later), but it sure is important as hell. Know that you own your body, and no one else. You will do with it what you see fit. But let us make you aware of all the consequences, even when it sounds gross.
Know that we will live for you, and with you, but not through you. We are here for guidance and support, but your accomplishments are your own. Not Daddy’s, not Mommy’s. But don’t be proud of them. Pride is a ridiculous and often limiting thing. Instead, be grateful for what you accomplish. Be happy about what you get to do. Be just as grateful and happy for your failures – for failure means that you tried to reach. Learn from everything. Never apologize for reaching, unless it is for a cookie after we told you no. It is the reaching that grows us. It is also the reaching that…hey, didn’t we tell you not to grab that cookie?
Know that family and friends are important. We will make sure you get to spend time with them. Since our friends and family are reading this – yes, y’all, that means we will do better. We will make sure you spend lots of time being a kid. If you don’t get into an Ivy League school, well remember that ivy sometimes causes a rash. Also, it’s cold in the winter at an Ivy League school. Just sayin’. But I digress. The fact is we care far less about your test scores than we do about your character. Character and a zest for life tend to take care of a lot of things in the long run, including academic success. Character means giving full effort, loving others, loving yourself, and always asking how you can get better. That sounds like a lot but it really isn’t. Mommy and Daddy have the benefit of some life experiences to know that (your grandparents have even more). We expect you to work hard and play hard.
Know that you are unique. You don’t need to be like anyone else but yourself. When you start feeling pressure to be like someone else, remember that all of those people feel the same insecurities you do. Know that others, whether the same as or different from you, are special too. Never make anyone else feel “less than”. Never let anyone else make you feel “less than”. Be strong in yourself, even when it is difficult. But if there is something you feel you can do better, if you can be better – do it. Also, don’t let being yourself preclude you from learning what others have to teach. It is the ultimate hubris to believe that the self is self-contained. Preclude is a big word for a baby. I will teach it to you later. Hubris is also a big word. Look it up yourself. I already taught you “preclude”, stop asking me so many questions and learn to read a dictionary. Sheesh!
Finally, know that we love you beyond measure. Yeah, I know I said that already. But Mommy and Daddy are old and sometimes we forget. Just know that we love you beyond measure. Oops, I did it again!
That’s it. Keep this in a safe place. Not in your diaper.
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